@sageboggs: *spits out coffee* VERB IS A NOUN
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@TheTweetOfGod: If you asked Jesus on the cross what he wanted the holiday marking his death to be called, "Good Friday" would not have leaped to his mind.
@SteveToyne: 'I'm Spartacus' 'No I'm Spartacus' 'I am Spartacus' 'I AM Spartacus' 'I'm Spartacus' 'Look I just need someone to sign for the package'
@TheQuietPsycho: I get caught zipping my pants up while standing beside the turkey just one time, and suddenly she never needs help in the kitchen anymore
@BlindChow: [aircraft carrier] *paints a T on the helipad* Captain: No it has to have an H Me: Why? *train sounds approaching* Captain: Oh dear god