@nPhelendriqal: *Spoiler Alert* Siamese cats are just one cat, not two cats in one.
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@joshgondelman: Life Hack: In any hipster coffee shop, say "You haven't seen The Wire?" and in the ensuing commotion, leave without paying.
@notacroc: [at a bar] CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster
@ShtFatGirlsSay: Doctors say eating a piece of Bacon takes 9 mins off your life...if my math is correct i died in 1781
@NurseSeymour: Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It's called Facebook.