@joeldanger: Squirrels are just rats who blow dry their tails.
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@KenJennings: just said "Deep Homo" by accident instead of "Home Depot" & am tryingnto laugh it off oops they're watching me tweet now gotta go
@lazerdoov: Genie: I shall grant you three wis- Me: I wish my ex would fall back in love with me Genie: here's the thing Jeff, Kate's with me now...
@NicestHippo: [job interview] You sure you know what it means to be a real estate developer? [i picture myself yelling at a building to try harder] Yes