@joeldanger: Squirrels are just rats who blow dry their tails.
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@ActuallyEmerson: Sometimes I answer your rhetorical questions because I think you are that stupid.
@BigRadMachine: Me: *disappears for a few weeks* Friends: *No concern* Me: *Posts inspirational quote on FB* Friends: Dude, you okay? You need to talk?
@CulturedRuffian: When one door closes, another one opens which is also one of the first signs you probably have a poltergeist.