@joeldanger: Squirrels are just rats who blow dry their tails.
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@jonnysun: age 1: goo googa age 2: im a babada da age 3: thank god i can finally speak. listen, i've been observing u for 3 years now. what are u doing
@primawesome: All I want for Christmas is a survivalist training course so I can finally move to the woods, go off the grid, and not participate in society anymore until the government hunts me down and begs me to help them with a matter of national security, which I refuse.
@therealeatwood: ME: [spraying hose to make a rainbow over a bear trap] WIFE: stop trying to trap a leprechaun ME: I really want a pot of gold or some cereal