@noog: Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job
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@ericsshadow: [hospital] DOCTOR: Your wife signed a DNR ME: I'm here for a sprained ankle DOCTOR: She insisted
@BonaFideIntent: Overall productive day.. *Ordered Batman boxer briefs & matching knee socks *Called my mom *Bought an Xbox game, & a goat, on Craigslist
@Faceyspace: My Bestie just got banned from Taco Bell. I cannot wait to hear this story. I have given table dances at Taco Bell and not got kicked out.