@noog: Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job
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@david8hughes: Me: can we stop by my house so I can grab my pillow & my phone charger? It's like 10 minutes from here Arresting officer: no
@DiamondGirl127: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please
@Reverend_Scott: [being carried out of the zoo on a stretcher] not all hyenas are scared of the name Mufasa, I know this now
@chagger73: It took me 4 attempts to type "my dignity". Autocorrect kept changing it to "HAHAHAHAHAHA"