@noog: Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job
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@WilliamAder: There should be a "Life of Pi" TV show, where they throw a different D-list celebrity in a boat with a tiger every week.
@BGH70: On average, it takes a person 7 minutes to fall asleep… 2.5, if Tammy from purchasing is telling you about her weekend.
@MrFornicator: I replaced the bulb in my refrigerator with a tanning bulb... that way if I ever get fat, at least I'll have nice color.
@TheAlexP: A rabbit has a father who has a big hair care product empire and wonders if one day his child will become the Hair heir hare.