@MarcusTheToken: St. Patrick's Day is the day we all watch Ghost and Dirty Dancing in honor of Patrick Swayze.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong.
@TheDreamGhoul: BRENDA: I brought cookies! ME: I guess I can have one, I've been good all week *eats cookie* *eats entire tray of cookies* *eats Brenda too*
@EJGomez: "We can't hire you. We're trying to get more diverse" ME: But I'm Hispanic [A bear walks in wearing a fresh Hooters outfit] ME: Aw man
@CanadianCyn: If I went back in time I'd tell myself... "Don't wait until 29 to become a stripper. You get to be naked, drunk and get paid for it!"