@TheTweetOfGod: St. Patrick's Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland.
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@BradBroaddus: My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old is looking all over the house for his drumsticks but he won't have any luck finding them without a shovel.
@ElgatoEsmio: When a squirrel runs on the road then turns around quickly is it because he thinks he left his little squirrel iron on?
@mortimermaiden: Me: I need one of those thingamajigs. Receptionist: What? Me: You know a doohickey. Receptionist: This is a— Me: *snaps fingers* Ah! a triple bypass heart surgery.