@NickMcNevich: Stalker? Me? Nooooo. But you should call your mom, she left you a message yesterday while you were sleeping. I muted it so you could rest
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@duplicitron: I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat.
@noog: You god damn morons. All these celebrity nudes were leaked by the Illuminati to distract us from important shit like karate and hoverboards.
@Just_Lee_: My revenge for being designated driver is putting my car seat warmers on high and convincing my drunk friends that they pee'd in their pants