@angeliav68: Standing closer to me in line will not get you to the checkout faster.
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@RalphSudafed: A manual RT is like saying "Hey check out this guy, but keep looking at my face. Please...don't ever stop looking at my face..."
@Thrill_Tweeter: People with FB statuses like, "I'm so angry right now", then when someone says, "What's up?" they reply, "I'll text you." WHAT ABOUT US?
@AnOrangeSNES: The chef asked me how I liked my eggs and I accidentally said uneasy instead of over easy. Now I have some uncomfortable eggs staring at me.
@vikkaroni: Him: what does a polar bear weigh? Me: I don't know Him: enough to break the ice, my name's John. Me: so's mine.