@rickolantern: *stands on scanner at self checkout, weighing self after keying in mango code, just to see what net worth is in mangoes
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@Shingaboop: Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
@bobvulfov: [funeral] WIDOW: i—i just cant believe he's gone ME: hey [putting my hand on her shoulder] u parked ur car directly behind mine so im stuck
@philco816: There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.