@rickolantern: *stands on scanner at self checkout, weighing self after keying in mango code, just to see what net worth is in mangoes
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@TheToddWilliams: [blind date] HER: I just wish women were treated equal...You know what I mean? ME: Absolu- WAITER: I hate to interrupt but can I take your drink order? HER: Yes, I'll have a Manhattan ME: Make mine a *turns to non-existent camera*...Womanhattan
@Mr_Kapowski: She yells if I kick the ice cube under the fridge She yells if I pick it up and put it in her drink Women are so confusing
@danjan13: Hey yea man, send me that YouTube link. I'm definitely gonna watch it and not just default send back "lol" after a few minutes.
@Karate_Horse: A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame & place it on the mantel at the party.