@mattZillaaaa: Starbucks needs a separate line for people who say "um"
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@SuperTeeWhy: Jaws (2015): "(cell phone) Hi Coast Guard, yeah a shark is banging my boat oh you're on your way great thanks"
@Lama911: Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
@MourningGlory_: Whenever someone tells me they get a "high" from running, all I'm thinking is, "You've obviously never been high before."