@t_cuppp: Starting a Psychofit class. Basically, I sneak up on people showering and chase em with a knife til they achieve their desired body weight.
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@Contwixt: It's widely known that some members of a prison population become well-read and crafty with words. Sometimes you can mix prose with cons.
@prettysadmostly: i can guess how someone will die based on their clothes date: what about me? Hawaiian themed bathroom fire
@Brentweets: Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
@matt___nelson: "Hey can you take our picture?" ME: yea sure *takes picture* ME: wait sorry, The Flash was turned on THE FLASH: *blushing in the background*