@robotrowboat: Starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
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@cepheusjackson: WIFE: How's the ventriloquism going? ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it.
@TheDailyManning: Dear girls, Santa saw your Facebook page, you're getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.
@rolldiggity: MEDIC: "Put pressure on the wound!" ME: "Hey, wound! All the cool kids are drinking and you should too!"