@lilgapeach30: Stepped on an action figure in the shower and simultaneously invented six new cuss words in four different languages.
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@dyldonot: [girl brings me back to her apartment] her: come to bed me: just one sec [velcro noises] [more velcro noises] [too many velcro noises]
@eeethanford: [awesome life of caterpillar] 1) all I do is eat, awesome 2) time to sleep in this cozy bag, awesome 3) *wakes up*OMG I CAN FLY NOW, AWESOME
@Wine_Honey1: Pro tip: If you smear your lipstick all over your face like the Joker, people won't talk to you.