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@T_Bonezzz_: STEPS TO FOLD A FITTED SHEET
1) PUT SHEET ON BED
2) FOLD BED
@Rollmaninoz: Me: More fur & these cute little whisk-
Police Sketch artist: you're describing a cat
Me: please his birthday is today & he loves portraits
@JennInTheCorner: Little known fact: Fergie stopped making music cuz she ran out of words she knew how to spell.
@roostermustache: Me:*runs into woods* ahh I'm gonna get killed by the clowns
Clown: nah we just want to scare people
Me: oh. can u make an exception for me
@DanMentos: me: excuse me but is the pilot vaping?
flight attendant: no there’s a fire in the cockpit
me: oh thank god
@SCbchbum: Officer pulled me over & asked if I knew what the speed limit was, like I'm getting paid to tell him his job.