@robdelaney: Steve Jobs' entire legacy is invalidated by the shortness of the iPhone charger's cord.
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@DannyZuker: "I did not expect to encounter so many snakes when I booked this flight!" #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
@ThaJawn: Clown: OMG! I just crashed my car! Clown 911: We are dispatching 20 ambulances to your location
@OBiiieeee: Son, your mom and I have been fighting a lot lately and we have decided that *dad piledrives mom into the coffee table* we're gonna go pro.
@KalvinMacleod: ALIEN: take me to ur leader ME: ok [later at zoo] A: wtf M: a lemur A: I said leader M: well ur ship is so loud I couldn’t hear a damn thing