@robdelaney: Steve Jobs' entire legacy is invalidated by the shortness of the iPhone charger's cord.
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@tastefactory: *ring ring* Hello? "If u want to see ur son again give me $500,000" OH GOD PLEASE DONT HURT HIM "I won't if u-" Haha gotcha, leave a message
@Just_Lee_: If Bruce Willis does any more Die Hard movies it will just be 90 minutes of him sitting in a rocking chair waiting to die from the flu.
@HollyHeals: Laughter is the best medicine........unless you have Morphine. Then Morphine is the best medicine.
@lisaxy424: 30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed.