@DamonHunzeker: *still doesn't understand when or why asterisks started indicating action*
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@XLCadillac: My two levels of drunk are 1) dancing with fat chicks at the club 2) smashing my neighbor's window thinking I locked myself out of my house.
@bush_piglet: Today I have learnt - if you try and give someone the finger whilst wearing mittens, you are basically just showing them your mittens.
@NicestHippo: WIFE: I can't take it anymore. Your incorrect use of idioms is tearing us apart! ME [taking her hand]: Cat got your tongue?