@derekblackmon: Still laughing about that time my grandmother said God told her to put my grandfather in an asylum because he was hearing voices in his head
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@DothTheDoth: I know Taco Bell doesn't have "I hate myself" sauce yet. But they should. They should.
@CulturedRuffian: I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys.
@ambamthankyamam: My life coach just asked me leave because apparently she has "other pedicures to do" and doesn't "speak English".