@derekblackmon: Still laughing about that time my grandmother said God told her to put my grandfather in an asylum because he was hearing voices in his head
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@KevinFarzad: According to tinder, every guy is at a lake holding a fish & every girl is on top of a mountain & that's why it's so tragically hard to meet
@abbycohenwl: Doc: The good news is this is a surprise birthday party! Patient: But my birthday's not till next month Doc:Which brings me to the bad news
@fivethirtyeight: Becoming hard to tell difference between credible news organizations like 4chan and troll sites like New York Post.