@SaveItForFest: STOP HONKING! IF I DRIVE ANY FASTER THE TINY LIZARD THAT HITCHED A RIDE ON MY HOOD IS GONNA FALL TO HIS DEATH. HAVE SOME COMPASSION, PEOPLE.
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@krissywillbretz: Since I'm wearing a white top, I'm going to go ahead and eat this meatball hoagie while I drive.
@Six_Pack_Mom: Me, to 11 y.o: "You need to apologize to your sister for calling her stupid." 11: "Okkk... I'm sor- wait. Which sister?"
@ElKnuckelhombre: Doctor: Describe your headache. Me: She's about 5'8", blonde, and the mother of my children.