@IGotsSmarts: "Stop pointing at my daughter!" - Kanye West yells at a compass.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: Romeo and Juliet is a story about two teenagers who save themselves a lot of trouble by avoiding marriage
@kimmie_1980: Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger.
@AndyAsAdjective: *gets woken up by a tap on my shoulder* "Daddy, how do you get yogurt out of the toaster when it's done toasting?"