@_GoldieLox: STOP PUTTING SIRENS IN MUSIC FOR PETE'S SAKE! I let my hair down & undid two buttons before i realized i wasn't getting pulled over!
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@platinum2000: How do you tell someone that they're not smart enough to manipulate you, without hurting their feelings?
@That_Damn_Duck: I've never once used the "C word" in a tweet but I will now!!!! Cookie. There, happy now? You c**ts.
@OohSnapItsChris: My financial advisor told me that I could catch up on my bills if I stopped buying so much pizza. We laughed and laughed. Then I fired him.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door? Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific? 4: No reason.