@Smooheed: Stop screaming! I thought you'd appreciate having someone to pass you a towel when you got out of the shower
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@garrydavenport: To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
@Liber_what: Me: hey squirrel, dnt steal d pigeon's food, the eggs are about to hatch S: u stole a cake frm ur roomate Me: Me: here, take the eggs too
@IamEnidColeslaw: cats are the best because you can pet one while you're talking to someone and look totally evil
@KeetPotato: [1st day as cop] captain: "why did you call for back up" me: "there was a fly in my car" swat team leader: "what exactly do you think we do"