@indiedaylie: Storks leave cute babies. Crows leave ugly babies. Swallows leave no babies!
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@AHundredElbows: [home late] Where were you? "Uh, with my.. gf?" Gf? Well, tell us about her! What's her name? [commercial on tv] uh.. Lisa.. Brandnewtoyota
@thejessbess: I'm rubber. You're glue. I don't conduct low voltage electricity. You're great for arts & crafts.
@causticbob: At a job interview "What are your strengths?" "I'm an optimist and a positive thinker" "Can you give me an example?" "Yes, when do I start?"