@bazecraze: "Space heater" is a pretty ambitious name. How about "shin warmer?"

@bmarked21: It was nice of Microsoft to put their name on Excel after satan created it.

@carlyken: I'm trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he's pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit.

@tastefactory: I smoked e-cigs for so long that I got e-cancer. I'm ok though, I just swallowed a Norton Antivirus cd and it cleared things up.

@thenoahkinsey: If you didn't wanna hear "Baby smell is biology preventing the mom from eating it," you shouldn't have invited me to the baby shower, Carol!