@Storminika: Strangers have the best candy.
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@OVO_Ty15: I'm gonna put a Whoopee Cushion on the front of my car so that if I hit anything it'd atleast be a little funny.
@jjhartinger: If a 4-year-old says, "I'm scared there's a monster living under my bed" Don't reply, "Oh, that's where he's been hiding." I know that now.
@OfficeofSteve: Cashier: Bag or plastic sir Me: Neither (scoops up forty items under my shirt and walks out)
@CommonSavant: Mom: Why can't you be successful like your brother? Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes