@aysashaya: Strip search? ... OK, but I'm going to need some background music.
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@HatfieldAnne: Att'n birds in my yard: the one to the LEFT of the feeder is for drinking, the one to the RIGHT is for bathing. Get it together you guys.
@LifeUnPinterest: HIM: Why is this sticky? ME: Remember that crazy sex we had? I got pregnant and now we have a 2YO contaminating the entire place with filth
@lucidchemistry: 10 likes this girl so I'm going to teach him everything I know about women long story short we're getting our bikes to ride around her house
@batkaren: How was I supposed to know unleashing 342 cats in a club would turn to bone-chilling horror the instant the disco balls started up?