@slimmy_shady: *strips buck naked*Buck: Give me back my clothes !
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@ShittyComedian: When a black guy pulls a knife on me on the subway I remind him he doesn't have to feed into racial stereotypes. Then I usually get stabbed.
@SteveSackington: Look, all I'm saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
@LuvPug: "So kids, I was married to your mom & I met this girl on Twitter, we started DMing and one thing led to another" -How I Met Your Stepmother
@FredPollack: Found a bag of weed in my son's bedroom, absolutely horrified! The thing was practically all stems and seeds.