@tastefactory: Student begins reading poem, teacher interrupts "No this is Creative WRITHING class" Other student squirms around on floor "Very good Todd"
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@DanMentos: "Rolls Royce" is my favorite car that sounds like an Australian describing a sushi chef
@JDBooie: Instead of a sock on your door, hang a doughnut. Not only is Doughnut Disturb hilarious, you provide a snack for your now homeless roommate.
@Kappa_Kappa: When someone invites me to their house and I see more than 2 cars parked outside it I keep driving just in case it's an intervention for me
@evanrhorne: "Chocolate is so yummy it'd probably taste good on mothballs." - inventor of Whopper Candies.