@tastefactory: Student begins reading poem, teacher interrupts "No this is Creative WRITHING class" Other student squirms around on floor "Very good Todd"
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@topaz_kell: And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
@ourvoyagemusic: I wonder why the ingredients on a snickers wrapper says "May contain almonds." What, is the guy who drops in the almonds a slacker?
@UncleDuke1969: Me: He’s starting to stir! Wife: Shhhh. Me: OH MY GOD… Wife: Be quiet. Me: HE’S GOT A KNIFE! Wife: I hate watching cooking shows with you.
@yoyoha: If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.