@Parker_Simpson: Studies show that people who start a sentence with "studies show..." have no clue what they're talking about
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@RobertDuffy91: I refrain from jogging in the morning because according to Law & Order: SVU there is a 95% chance you'll find a dead body
@greg_vee: I've been ignoring these dirty dishes for 47 minutes and they still haven't taken the hint. It's just awkward now...
@Donna_McCoy: Autocorrect just changed faux pas to faux pasta and this gluten war has gotten out of hand.
@collegefession: "My bf and I were having dinner with my family and I asked for my daddy to pass the sriracha my bf and my dad both reached for it" - Harvard