@MikeCanRant: Summer Safety Tip: Before swimming in the ocean, cover yourself in gluten to lower the chances of being eaten by health conscious sharks.
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@JermHimselfish: Dance like nobody's watching. Paint like your girlfriend doesn't text you too much. Sing like you didn't struggle with algebra in 9th grade.
@Discourt: As an adult, I'm most afraid when my children's toys randomly make noise and nobody is in their rooms....
@KalvinMacleod: BLACK WIDOW: help I think my husband is dead 911: did u murder him? BLACK WIDOW: uh 911: ma'am BLACK WIDOW: *quietly hangs up the phone*