@shutupmikeginn: Sun Tzu's The Art of War is very applicable in the business world. Just today I made my boss sit facing the window so he had sun in his eyes
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@therepoguy: Pretty sure my refrigerator is having sex with itself from all the noises its making.
@DosieDoe: US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today.
@Rollmaninoz: *Hello this is your pilot speaking, we still have about 9 hours in the air so let me entertain you folks reading you some of my tweets*
@LoneWolfStories: It's like my fridge sends texts inviting all my friends over the moment I fill it up.