@shutupmikeginn: Sun Tzu's The Art of War is very applicable in the business world. Just today I made my boss sit facing the window so he had sun in his eyes
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@aveuaskew: It isn't a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way.
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I just love a man who's not afraid to be honest. ME: *trying to impress* You sound really stupid right now.
@SortaBad: "wow this rap song is good I wonder who this is" *waits literally 4 seconds* "oh there look at that he said his name how convenient"