@shutupmikeginn: Sun Tzu's The Art of War is very applicable in the business world. Just today I made my boss sit facing the window so he had sun in his eyes
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@curlycomedy: Jesus said to love your neighbor, but makes no mention about putting up with their music at 3am.
@BeardSpice: *walks into bank* THIS IS A ROBBERY *people drop to the floor* JUST KIDDING, BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE LISTENING *lowers guns* A TOMATO IS A FRUIT
@BlindChow: Karen, will you marry me? "Ugh. No. Please take me home." *20 minutes of awkward silence as hot air balloon slowly descends*
@LuckoftheDraw86: God invented co-workers to remind us that dying alone wouldn't be such a bad thing.