@Sarcasticsapien: Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
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@urgeekisshowing: Personal trainer: So what's your goal? Me: I wanna look good in pictures that I'm not the one taking
@LorieGZ: Me: I hope you pee your pants, teach you not to hold it in! My daughter: You shouldn't wish for that..you're the one that does the laundry!
@JasonLastname: Cop: How much have you had to drink? Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel
@MummaCrazy: "Yeah, those black pants are okay. They just need a little something. Hang on.." [rubs up against your leg] "that's better" -cats