@bea_ker: "Surely EVERYONE pisses in the shower?" I protest as I'm dragged out of Ikea
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@kevinseccia: I realized I was maybe not the best listener when a friend had to come out to me twice.
@Anon_o_Mom: My husband accidentally texted mewting instead of meeting. Now I can't stop picturing a bunch of kittens in a conference room.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody!