@shariv67: Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
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@imdaintyaf: People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS
@ShittyComedian: Don't you hate it when you're so high on drugs that simple, everyday, mundane tasks become difficult? Anyway, I pissed on your sofa.
@BuckyIsotope: OLD MAN: I fought in WWII ME: Oh yeah? What was your kill:death ratio OLD MAN: what ME: Can you rocket jump? OLD MAN: I wish Hitler had won
@ibid78: "You know why I pulled you over?" "Does anyone know why anyone's pulled over?" "Wow. You're free to go." "Is anyone free?" "Oh you're good."