@shariv67: Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
@bea_ker: I had two ribs removed so I could pet small dogs easier.
@G_Faylor: [getting moidered]
is this because i'm from new joisey?
@BeardSpice: "I'm pregnant"
Are you kidding
@cepheusjackson: ME: The plane has wifi? Sweet, I'm going to Skype call that radio psychic.
RADIO PSYCHIC: Go ahead caller, you're on the air
ME: HOLY SHIT
@ddsmidt: If you’re not careful with those, you’ll shoot your eye out.
*points to Spanx*