@donni: Surprise parties are great. Depress your friend by pretending to forget their birthday, then terrify them briefly
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@causticbob: In Russia, Vladimir Putin has said that the killers of Nemtsov "will be ruthlessly hunted down." He added, "It's cheaper than paying them"
@aaronnemo: If I was ever on Jeopardy I would call Trebek the wrong name like I'd never heard of him. "I'll take Beauty Pageants for 400, Jason."
@Donna_McCoy: There's no time capsule quite like the pocket of a coat that's been in the closet for a year.
@hazelmotes1: Today I learned that pouring water on someone who is sleeping under an electric blanket won't electrocute them. It will only make them angry