@Parentpains: Surround yourself with people that can't handle their alcohol, so you can drink theirs after they pass out.
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@jordan_stratton: Whelp. It's December. That time of year when I have zero excuse for being so sweaty.
@Reverend_Scott: Sorry I said, "Whoa, hope he's good at math." when you showed me your kid's finger painting.
@Bearslietoo: Noticed a spider while I was driving,so I did what any normal person would do and carefully trapped it in a napkin and set my car on fire.