@Parentpains: Surround yourself with people that can't handle their alcohol, so you can drink theirs after they pass out.
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@jdforshort: If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom I guess it's finally time to shave my legs for spring *Walks away with hedge trimmers
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: When you're 9, you can drive Me: Pretty sure you have to be older 4yo: Some people can drive at 9 Me: A little older 4yo: Ya, it's 9
@iGreenMonk: *Neighbor text - Sorry for using your wife. Use only when you're not at home* *Shoots Wife* *Neighbor text again - I mean 'Wifi' not wife*