@omgthatspunny: Susan broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.
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@behindyourback: even worse than arguing with a stupid person online is when an even stupider person joins in but they're on your side
@ReelQuinn: I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team.
@LackOfShame: Mom: "Why are you always on your phone? What's so great about the internet?" Me: It doesn't constantly ask me questions
@notxzibit: Google search history: Marawana Marjawana Is there a j in marawana Wheat Wheat for smoking Free wheet