@omgthatspunny: Susan broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.
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@BarebakAssassin: After you're done looking for true love on Twitter, you should go ride a unicorn around Atlantis, then eat some heart-healthy ice cream.
@NYC_Blonde: The way my neighbors are making their trick-or-treating kids skip my door you'd think I was handing out ecstasy pills like last year.
@ibid78: *opens car door to drop kid off at school & sees kool aid instead* If you're here then.. [cut to kid bursting through a wall like 'oh yeah']