@ObscureGent: Sweep her off her feet, but not like the bad guy from Karate Kid.
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@iamspacegirl: SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo- SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job.
@jus4golf: Found my first gray pubic hair. The people in line with me at the market were not nearly as impressed as I was.
@TheMichaelRock: Me *wakes up from nap* Wife: what are you doing up? Me: was I not supposed to wake up? Wife[nervous laugh] what?
@whereami18: Saying no thanks to a CW's offer to hit me with their car so I could take the day off proves decisions shouldn't be made before coffee