Funny Tweeter

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cop jokes

@OctopusCaveman: Apparently, if a cop tells you to do something, you’re supposed to do it even if he doesn’t say “Simon says.”

@delusions_of: Another day, another police escort from Bed, Bath & Beyond.

@girl_a_whirl: Bad cop *plants drugs in perps car*
Gardener cop *adds mulch & Miracle-Gro®*

@BoogTweets: Me: *Being strip searched*

Cop: The dancing really is not necessary

@jjhartinger: hubs: why the makeup?
me: we're cooking dinner together.
him: and...
me: and, I want to look nice when the police arrive.

@KimmyMonte: Good cop: Ok relax. We are just gonna ask you a few questions

Fashion police: Who are you wearing, you piece of shit?

@T_Bonezzz_: [Gets Pulled Over]

Cop: Have u been drinking?
Me: No osiffer
C: What did u call me?
M: I mean orifice
C: ...
M: ...office chair?
C: Get out

@bornmiserable: COP: Do you know why I stopped you?
HIM: We were going too fast?
COP: Yes. Get to know her first. Don't just talk about yourself either.

@ArfMeasures: PICASSO: She had one eye on her forehead, and her nose was on the side of her face

COP: Maybe someone else should describe the suspect

@nwntwrth: a gang that's all undercover cops but they all think they're the only undercover cop in the gang