Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

cop jokes

@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because my tires look like donuts?
Cop: Get out

@therealeatwood: ELF COP: You have the right to remain splendiferous! Anything you say will be wonderful-funderful! You—

CRIMINAL: Pls just take me to jail

@Sorrowscopes: Gemini: You may find yourself wondering if you're dreaming or not. A simple test is to punch a cop in the face.

@dafloydsta: GOOD COP: Tell us what you know

BAD COP: Or we'll turn up the heat

DAD COP: DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT DAMN THERMOSTAT

@SteveKoehler22: Our daughter ran away from home
once when she was a teenager.

We were frantic.

Within months, we called the police
to report her missing.

@therealeatwood: BAD COP: Throw the book at him.
GOODREADS COP: OK! Check out Ruby, the beautiful and devastating debut novel by Cynthia Bond. ★★★½

@ValeeGrrl: Me: Mistakes my own hair for a spider at least once a day & screams

Also me: [watching Criminal Minds] I could totally be a cop

@BuckyIsotope: Barbie's head is in the refrigerator. Ken swears a "giant child" did it. The police shrug and slap handcuffs on Ken and lead him away.

@jokeymcjokeface: Crime would drop to 0% if police uniforms were scary clown costumes. "Put your hands up and state your favorite balloon animal!"

@envydatropic: I'm a show off but not drive around with Christmas lights on my car show off

And that's when I realized it was a cop car