@yoyoha: Are there any police officers willing to come to my house in uniform and tell my kids that not listening to me is against the law
@Notoliviasteel: Cop : HANDS IN THE AIR!
Me: *drunk, starts flailing arms*
Cop: NO, NOT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE
@david8hughes: [identifying body]
Cop: this him?
Cop: he's burnt pretty bad huh
Cop: prolly get a discount on cremation
mum: [crying over my bullet ridden body] how did this happen
cop: the robber yelled "everyone be cool" so he tried to do a kickflip
@Playing_Dad: Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND
Me: I didn't do...
Cop:*cuffing me* Dispatch, we have a creepy clown in custody
Me: These are my regular clothes
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: I told you to slow down.
Cop: License & registration, please.
Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers?
Me: Look underneath them.
@bingowings14: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Lego man: Is it because I'm block?
@EndhooS: Come on guys, lemme back in the gang! I'm real good at crimes!
"YOU GOT ARRESTED BY A POLICE HORSE CARL HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE"
@AlexEllisdon: If I was in charge of SWAT I'd change the name to the "Special Weapons And Grenades" team just so police would have to radio in for SWAG