@senorwinces: Take a look at trending topics and you'll realize why they have to write "do not eat" on dry silica packets.
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@bridger_w: Give yourself something to look forward to tomorrow: Text a friend, "I think you owe me an apology," then turn off your phone and go to bed
@undeadmolly: My parents are always pestering me to have kids. "Who will carry on the ancient family curse?" they say.
@DaHess1: Tonight's flirtation brought to you by the letter Booze. It's a word? Whatever, man. I don't know algebra and shit.