@danimgrace: Take your husband’s last name. Take his first name. Take his social. Assume his identity. Hide the body in a closet. You’re the husband now.
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@pixelatedboat: "Predators are essential for a healthy ecosystem," I explained as I released a bobcat into the airduct
@InternetHippo: What should we call this giant advertising board? PHIL: A philboard BILL: I have a better idea
@MoneypennyNaked: I really need someone to follow me around Target to say "No. No. Put that back. You don't need that. You already have 4 of those at home."