@TheCatWhisprer: Sometimes a man has needs that can't be fulfilled in the home.
[goes to animal shelter and pets all the cats]
@amazymay72x: Husband: I'll unload the dishwasher for you, honey.
Me: No rush.
3 days later.......regrets saying no rush.
@shutupmikeginn: friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself?
me: It was on sale for $4
friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive
@haleysfalling: so people are okay with batman wearing a cape but when i do it i "need to put my hospital gown on the right way"
@CelticMoonDance: I'm beginning to question your proclamation of your "spiritual gifts". You are about as intuitive as my autocorrect.
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