@davedittell: *takes load of groceries off of old woman's hands* these are mine now you old prune
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@XplodingUnicorn: Dear Britain, This Brexit vote is all wrong If you want to leave the EU, dump some tea in the harbor and fight a war. Sincerely, America
@UNTRESOR: A shark can sense a drop of blood from 3 miles away, and a mom can sense you're not getting enough to eat from 10,000.
@Kyle_Lippert: I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence.
@lovemydogduck: Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween... best hate sex we ever had.