@davedittell: *takes load of groceries off of old woman's hands* these are mine now you old prune
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@AndyAsAdjective: I can't prove it, but from the sound of it, I'm pretty sure there's an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher.
@squirrel74wkgn: My wife's fish net stockings are so tight that my legs look like wafer cookies when I take them off.
@JillBidenVeep: Joe: I'm going to ask Donald if he wants something to eat Barack: That's nice, Joe Joe: And then I'm going to offer him knuckle sandwiches