@STitusR: Taking my dog out in below zero weather brings one thought to mind. I should have gotten a cat.
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@AimeeHelene1: Me: Yes, I'd like the Mexican massage. Masseuse: The what? Me: *hands him taco seasoning and sour cream* Masseuse: Me: Let's go, chop chop.
@murrman5: where did you get them pants? [wife goes to answer but stops then narrows her eyes] you're not going as me for halloween again are you?
@FunkyFresh_79: [on a first date] Ok, don't let her know you're really a squirrel... Her: I had a great time, good night! Me: *runs in front of her car
@RoastedPapad: [ Buzzfeed writer becomes a teacher ] "Kids today we will learn Alphabets. Here are 26 Alphabets that will blow your mind"