@NikiWithIssues: Talking about me behind my back? Good. My ass likes attention.
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@stats_canada: 66% of Canadians were unimpressed with "The Revenant", or as it's known in Canada, "Pretty Average Day"
@dreadnaught69: *at a restaurant* Don't be awkward, don't be awkward Waitress: how's the food? Me: yes
@HatfieldAnne: Admit it, no one really knows how to use the memory function on a calculator. We’re all just too embarrassed to ask now.
@markydoodoo: I stab myself a little bit every day to slowly build up an immunity to being stabbed to death.