@panmidwest: *talking to a cool girl at a house party while pretending my right foot is not currently stuck in the dog's water bowl*
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@Ygrene: Normal Person (being inconvenienced): I deserve better than this Me (being stabbed w/swords): I'm so sorry for getting blood on your swords
@Weird_Rash: Feeling pretty tough lately and thinking about joining a gang. Any of you guys need an accountant?
@byrdie_num_num: Haven't worn a watch in 20+ years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20+ years.