@panmidwest: *talking to a cool girl at a house party while pretending my right foot is not currently stuck in the dog's water bowl*
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@LosLos__: HR: And what would you say is a weakness of yours? Me: Lindt truffles. HR: Me: Dr. Pepper. HR: Me: Redheads....? *winks* HR: Get out.
@truegritrumble: SPOUSE: No. ME: It’s just a costume. SPOUSE: You’re not going to your parents’ Halloween party as “the child they wished they had.”
@FatherWithTwins: 8yo: I want to paint my pumpkin this year! Me: Cool, what color? 8yo: Orange! Me: 8yo: Me: *pours drink* Let's do it
@offsidebastard: The girl across from me is on the phone to her boyfriend. I regret nodding when she told him she looked terrible.