@cwhudson: *taps on a super old dude's oxygen tank* you know that you can get this stuff for free right
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@bobvulfov: demon: ur punishment in hell has been tailored just for u me: ok demon: u have to enter a long wifi password for eternity & it'll never work
@only_one_ee: Trainer: OK this week we are cutting carbs. Me: Wait, what - even macaroni & cheese? Trainer: Ya. Me: ...I think we should see other people.
@myonlymizztake: I got a text from an unknown number that said "Game on." It's either a wrong number, or someone wants to wear my skin like a suit.
@ixix82: 280 characters, baby, and you know what that means: OXFORD COMMAS. OXFORD COMMAS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE!