@cwhudson: *taps on a super old dude's oxygen tank* you know that you can get this stuff for free right
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@cwhudson: "asparagai" is what i call multiple asparagus, but don't take my word for it. get your own word for multiple asparagus
@JohnLyonTweets: I wish the Antiques Roadshow guy had just told me how much my swords were worth without getting all nosy about where the blood came from.
@mishakey: I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.