@WheelTod: Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
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@jtswhipped: Just watched Inception,Donnie Darko,Memento and The Matrix and now I don't think I am real anymore.
@mrjohndarby: Cop 1: There's been another murder Cop 2: I think I see a pattern emerging Cop 1: Please. Put your knitting down and focus
@jimmytorosian: Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put "delicious" in their name. Like calm down. You're still just an apple. You ain't no prize.