@WheelTod: Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
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@bourgeoisalien: the saddest part about self driving cars will be all the times people die mid trip and then ur dinner guests or pizza guy will arrive dead
@bombsydoll: WHAT'S WITH THE MIXED SIGNALS DUDE? YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF & MOVE IN CLOSE BUT WHEN I KISS YOU YOURE LIKE WHOA IM JUST DOING YOUR EYE EXAM?
@Tmoney68: [At microphone] *clears throat* "Salsa. Ballet. Conga. Waltz. Jitterbug. Tap." *crowd cheers* "Thanks for attending my dance recital."