@WheelTod: Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
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@DadBeard: By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?
@SHOWERTHlNKING: What if Harry Potter was dreaming for seven years because he ran headfirst into a wall at a train station?
@WilliamAder: Me winding up as the last man on earth is an unlikely scenario, but an awful lot of women seem to have already thought it through.
@tastefactory: LOVED ONES: When I die, I want you to throw a sad party where you all look at my dead body US, FOR SOME REASON: Ok that's no problem