@shutupmikeginn: [Target cashier stares at my fingerless gloves] Ah, couldn't help notice you were admiring my hand vests.
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@weinerdog4life: I'm just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to help me put a bunch of ducks in my car.
@jjax44: Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn't leave much room. It's small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
@murrman5: [wife yelling in waterpark] "BRENT SOMEONE IS STEALING THE CAR" [top of huge slide] K IM STILL GONNA TAKE THE SLIDE DOWN CUZ IT'll BE FASTER