@shutupmikeginn: [Target cashier stares at my fingerless gloves] Ah, couldn't help notice you were admiring my hand vests.
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@DrakeBell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco"
@Sickayduh: "Nice place!" Mmmehh "Hungry?" Mmmehh "You look nice." Mmmehh "DO I EVEN MAKE YOU HAPPY?!?" Mmmehh "Mom told me not to date a goat."
@MrPhetz: Why did my ex gf Fav my tweet where I announced that I got laid off. Why did you do that sharon
@sixfootcandy: Oh yeah!! Well, if smoking weed destroys your short-term memory, then what does smoking weed do?