@ilovepie84: Tattoos tell a story, like tribal tattoos tell a story of a guy that wears sunglasses indoors.
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@wolfpupy: i argued with the parrot at the pet store until it got sold away and the guy who bought it wouldnt let me in his car. that means i won
@carrietini: According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid.
@dyldonot: "any questions for Mr. deGrasse Tyson?" [I knock over an old woman while sprinting to the mic] HOW DOES AIR CONDITIONING WORK IN SPACE?