@dshack8: Taught a parrot to repeatedly say "WHERE ARE YOUR GLOVES?" and now I don't have to talk to my kids until Spring so that's pretty cool.
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@garrettbarry70: Accidentally changed neighbor to neighbour and now I'm saying stuff like "bloody hell" and "brilliant"
@pinupteacher: My cab driver just described Seattle as "Not that horrible of a place." Get that guy a job on the tourism board.
@Petote: BF went to text me "almost there" It came out "almost dead" So hungover, I wrote back "thank god" And now he arrived and things are awkward
@dril: my favorite part of nascar is when I vomit all over my shirt and car after the race., desecrating the logos of the brands that enslave me