@dshack8: Taught a parrot to repeatedly say "WHERE ARE YOUR GLOVES?" and now I don't have to talk to my kids until Spring so that's pretty cool.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@QwertyJones3: [first date] HER: Do you have any hobbies? ME: Yes! Wait, did you say "hobbits"? HER: No, hobbies ME: Oh, then no
@PaperWash: Dentist: ok open up "Well I guess it all started when my dad left..." Dentist: no I mean- Assistant: wait bill...let him finish
@GreenishDuck: This is just a quick reminder that we're all gonna die one day so don't get caught up in petty shit also stop stealing my tweets Greg.