@dshack8: Taught a parrot to repeatedly say "WHERE ARE YOUR GLOVES?" and now I don't have to talk to my kids until Spring so that's pretty cool.
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@AmishPornStar1: The amount of time you spend cleaning your house before a friend comes over is inversely proportional to the quality of that friendship.
@RealPrincessKim: Every teen trick-or-treating tonight got a handful of candy and a, "You must be heartbroken. I can't believe Justin Bieber died so young!"
@Thereeveryday: The 4 stage of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus 3. You are Santa Clause 4. You look like Santa Claus