@realHamOnWry: Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris called it quits. But I am looking forward to her next album devoted to the break-up called 'Calvin and Sobs'.
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@adriennekhals: Worst day. Had a tampon behind my ear all afternoon and still cant find my cigarette.
@dlockw21: IT: You deleted the OS? Me: I think so. IT: It didn't warn you? Me: Yeah, but it only kinda warned me. What's with the inquisition bro?
@TheNaique: Every time a magician graduates from his school and throws his hat in the air at the convocation, PETA sues him for cruelty to rabbits.