@JennyJohnsonHi5: Taylor Swift seems like the kind of chick who'd stare at her boyfriend while he's sleeping.
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@Deirdreocx: If you're ovulating and have sex standing up... Is it called a standing ovulation? Asking for a friend
@dafloydsta: *goes to bathroom *takes out phone *opens Twitter *finishes *pulls pants up *flushes *forgets to poop
@TheToddWilliams: [Orca Winfrey Show] ORCA: "You get a carp! You get a carp! You get a carp! AQUATIC AUDIENCE: *just screaming their gills off*